• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Shady Oak Primary School

  • What We Do
    • Culture
    • Collaboration
    • Critical Thinking
    • Communication
  • Who We Are
    • Teachers
    • Leadership
  • How We Do It
    • Child-centered Learning
    • Participatory Learning
    • Skills-focused Learning
    • Play-based Learning
  • Our School
    • Admissions Overview
    • School Forms
    • Tab Studio
  • Calendar
  • Testimonials
  • Blog
    • Podcast
  • Events
  • ClassDojo
  • PTA
  • Employment
DOES YOUR FAMILY HAVE SCAPEGOAT SYNDROME?

DOES YOUR FAMILY HAVE SCAPEGOAT SYNDROME?

DOES YOUR FAMILY HAVE SCAPEGOAT SYNDROME?

Often, the family “black sheep” is really a “scapegoat,” a convenient excuse for other family members to deny their roles in various problems. The “scapegoat” may have an obvious problem such as drug addiction or chronic truancy. Or s/he may just have had the bad luck to be born at an inconvenient time, or to look like a hated relative.

ShadyOak-Sibling-Arguement

Regardless of the cause, the “scapegoat” typically internalizes the “bad one” label and makes misbehavior part of his or her identity. The “good” kids fare little better: besides developing a negative attitude toward their “problem” sibling, they learn to dodge blame and don’t learn to accept personal responsibility. In many families, scapegoat syndrome continues to poison relationships decades after the children are grown.

Whatever ages your kids are, the best time to spot and stop any scapegoating tendencies is immediately.

Your family may have scapegoat syndrome if:

That’s of course with the understanding that they do have a responsibility to think.

In any difference of opinion between the kids, you always empathize with the same child(ren).

Any child stands out from the others in any way—and you find that way annoying, whether or not you can say why. Or, any child reminds you of a sibling or other relative you disliked, or displays qualities you dislike in yourself.

You find yourself labeling your kids and using always and never to describe their behavior: “He’s always in trouble.” “She’s a perfect angel.” “Tantrums are an everyday thing for her.”

You “don’t know what to do with” any one child, and have all but given up trying. Plus, you can’t remember the last time you were angry with the other child(ren) for anything

The “good” kids are all too eager to report misbehavior on the “bad” one’s part.

One child complains regularly that “I always get picked on.” (Yes, this is sometimes just being a sore loser—but sometimes it’s the truth.)

If you recognize the above symptoms in your family, here’s what you can do:

Resolve to listen to and consider everyone’s side of the story in every circumstance.

When an argument breaks out among the kids, keep your distance unless property damage or physical injury seems imminent. If anyone comes to you demanding a judgment, tell them they’ll have to resolve their own differences of opinion.

If you feel you must get involved in an argument, send all parties into time-out to cool down, regardless of what you see going on. Once things have calmed, assemble everyone and let them take turns explaining their points of view—without ranting, interrupting, or accusations.

Make a strict house rule against “tattling” for minor offenses.

If you still struggle with scapegoat syndrome, or if you genuinely dislike any of your children for any reason, get professional therapy (for the whole family, not just for yourself and definitely not just for the “problem” child).

Be willing to accept your share of responsibility for any troublesome family issues—and insist that all your kids do the same.

smile

WAYS YOUR FAMILY CAN PROMOTE PEACE ON EARTH

By delder | January 2, 2021
Shady Oaks - Sheltered Kid

WHEN THE KIDS ARE HOME, Part 2

By delder | December 28, 2020
Cute preschooler girl has chosen a new lovely dress among a lot of clothes in child fashion store; she is happy. Sale, gifts, Christmas, holidays; beauty concept, place for your brand on tag

8 WAYS YOUR FAMILY CAN SPREAD GOODWILL

By delder | December 26, 2020
kids and puppies

WHEN THE KIDS ARE HOME, Part 1

By delder | December 23, 2020
Shady Oak - confident teacher

SOCIAL DISTANCING 201 FOR TEACHERS

By delder | December 20, 2020
shadyoak-parent-homeschooling

SOCIAL DISTANCING 201 FOR PARENTS

By delder | December 16, 2020
Volunteer teacher helping a class of preschool kids drawing

TEACHING STUDENTS TO LOVE SCHOOL

By delder | December 15, 2020
holidays

SMALL GATHERING, GREAT JOY: HOW TO TRULY CELEBRATE WHEN YOUR HOLIDAYS ARE SCALED DOWN

By delder | December 15, 2020
Kids Cooking Together

SIMPLE RECIPES FOR COLD DAYS (AND NIGHTS) AT HOME

By delder | December 14, 2020
ShadyOak-ChristmasGifts

NEED A LITTLE HOLIDAY JOY IN YOUR HOME?

By delder | December 14, 2020

Today's affirmation:
"I CARE ENOUGH TO TRANSFORM THE GOOD INTO THE GREAT"

We are located at:
600 Main Street
Richmond, TX 77469
Tel: (281) 344-1291
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2021 Shady Oak Primary School and boomtime , All Rights Reserved. • Email • Fine Print