WHEN YOU DON’T SPEAK A CHILD’S LEARNING LANGUAGE

If you’re a teacher, you’ve probably known the frustration of trying to communicate with a student who’s:

struggling to grasp concepts that seem obvious to you

“neurologically diverse” (has a brain that processes sensory input in unusual ways)

partial to learning by doing, or by reading, when you’re most comfortable teaching verbally

Even when you have only your own children to teach, “learning language” issues pop up:

You’re a right-handed parent trying to guide a left-handed toddler through the shoe-tying process.

You try to show your preschooler the standard way to hold a fork and knife. She insists her way feels more comfortable, and what’s the difference so long as no food is spilled?

Your nine-year-old asks for help with homework, and the concept or methods differ impossibly from what you remember.

Too many of these situations end with hysterical children, exasperated adults, and mutual resentment. Don’t let that happen to you.

Remember That Teachers Should Also Be Learners

You’re not some omniscient deity never to be questioned. If you take the attitude, “I’m older and I know better, so you have to do it my way,” you’ll hurt the child’s initiative and your relationship. Before you object to anyone’s trying to implement new ways, give them a chance to show why they think their way would work: you might learn something.

Stay Patient

The more you think in terms of, “Why can’t you grasp something so obvious?!,” the more frustrated you and the child will become—and the more blind to any means of making things more understandable. If the atmosphere is getting tense, call a break: you’ll do better after your brains refresh.

If you really can’t afford to leave the task undone (this will happen less often if you make a point of keeping schedules uncluttered), don’t just jump in with an impatient, “Oh, I’ll do it!” Show respect for the child and the needs of the situation: “We really have to go now, or we’ll miss the bus to the mall. Let me get your shoelaces this time: you can practice tying them yourself again tonight.” This shows you aren’t giving up on the child himself—you still trust him to learn soon enough.

Consider Getting Help

It often happens that someone else could handle the teaching better: the child’s other parent; an older sibling; or a babysitter, coach, or tutor. Don’t let your pride keep you digging yourself and the learner deeper into the frustration pit; ask around to find someone who better understands the topic or the child’s learning/communications style. (Ask the child, too, what she’d prefer.)

If you’re a professional teacher who can’t seem to get through to a student, your help options include:

Talk with the child’s parent(s) for insight into what the child responds to.

If you can pinpoint a child’s learning style, and neurological differences if any, invest in research or training to better understand that style/difference.

Consider whether the child might do better with after-hours help, supplemental instruction—or even another class altogether.

Never give up. Many kids who “can’t seem to learn” grow into brilliant achievers!